Monday, March 12, 2012


This afternoon Darcy had a new friend from school over to play.  Not five minutes after the girl walked in I overheard Darcy say to her "This is my dog Chewbacca.  Do you want to know something funny about him?  When he gets really happy, all the hair on his wiener goes away and it gets really big and pink!"

I wonder if that friend will ever be allowed over again?

Monday, March 5, 2012

Golden Arches

He looks like an angel...right?

The other day I loaded the kids into the car to meet my mom and a friend for lunch at McDonalds.  Lunch at McDonalds is always a mixed bag.  On one hand, everything on the menu sort of makes me want to puke other than French Fries and Coke.  On the other hand, it means I am going to get to mostly ignore my children for an hour while they climb around like happy monkeys and I enjoy adult conversation.

Anyway, the kids were playing, I was enjoying the company when some kids up in the play place started making some ominous whining noises that went on for several minutes.  We were all starting to wonder if the parents of the squawkers were going to come to the rescue when my mom could not focus on our conversation any longer.

"Are those your kids making that bad noise up there?" she asked me.  "No."  I knew they weren't my kids making that noise.  First of all, every mom knows the noise that their kids make when they are unhappy.  We hear it all day long.  We go to great lengths to avoid it.  Even as far as trying to pass off french fries and coke as "lunch."

"Are you really sure?  Because it doesn't sound very good and it isn't stopping."
"No its not them.  If it was Kade who was having problems, he would just come down and tell me and if it was Kyanna she wouldn't be crying she would be yelling 'That's it!  You're not my friend anymore!' " (We have a lot of trouble with this particular thing from her.  On the plus side, she must have fabulous self esteem to believe that the worst thing she can do to anybody is withdraw her friendship)

"Well, just go double check so I can feel better about it.  That sounds like more than one kid crying"

So very reluctantly I walked a few feet from my position at the side of the play place over to the front where I could have a better vantage point to look for my children.  And of course I was wasn't my kids making all the noise.  They both had giant grins on their faces.  Because they were standing in the middle of the "shaky bridge" and Kade (my husky kid) was jumping up and down like an elephant.  The awful noise was coming from all the kids on either side of the bridge who wanted to cross but were afraid of the trolls in the middle causing the earthquake.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Code P

As I was tucking the kids in to bed tonight, Dax told me I needed to step out of the room for a minute.  Apparently his privates were not feeling so good and he needed to take a look and make sure he hadn't injured his nether regions.  When I came back in a minute later and asked if everything checked out ok he said "Yeah I think so.  But if it still hurts really bad when I'm at school tomorrow I'm calling you to come and get me."  "Ok..." I said "So are you just going to stand there in the office and say 'Mom, come and pick me up.  My weiner hurts!"  He laughed for a minute and then said "No Way!  We better come up with something.  I know!  I will just say 'Code P!'"  "Code P?" I asked.  "Yeah you know...for penis."

All I can say is its a good thing Asiel is working from home tomorrow.  I think I will send him to the school to explain to the office ladies what Code P means. :)

Monday, February 6, 2012

My fifteen minutes of bliss

My blog has been highly neglected over the past few weeks.  We have been home from Florida for almost a month and have had at least one sick family member ever since.  We spent a week with the stomach flu (that was not fun...and resulted in a lot of laundry...which resulted in an old dryer that finally gave up the ghost...which resulted in a sweet new dryer off ksl...score!).  We spent a couple weeks with strep.  We spent lots of days in between with snotty noses and a bad case of the "coughing problem," as Kade calls it.  So I haven't written anything down.  However, I had a little experience on Saturday that I would like to remember, but probably won't remember beyond next week if I don't blog about it.

One of my guilty pleasures in life is a nice long soak in a hot bubble bath.  I know, I know...its sitting in your own filth, blah blah blah.  I don't know what kinds of nasty habits you people have in your spare time, but I am not a filthy person!  I shower daily, I wash my hands a million times a day, I wear deodorant, I floss.

Anyway, the problem is that I haven't been able to take a bath by myself for approximately 8 years now.  Our master bathroom does not have a door to separate it from our master bedroom.  When we built our home it was quite a bit more money to add the door (weird I know...they also wanted 1000 dollars to tile next to our tub, so it stayed carpet) and since we have a two way fireplace from our bedroom to bathroom we figured if someone in the bedroom wanted to check out the naked person in the bath all they would have to do is look through the fireplace, so why pay for the door?  That's sensible right?

So to keep the kids out when I am taking a bath I would have to lock the door to my master bedroom.  This does not happen.  The funny thing about kids, and those of you who have them will agree, is that they can be quite dramatic.  I often cannot tell the difference between a scream that means "He changed the channel on the tv from barbie to astro boy and I am not down with that!" or one that means "Somebody has just cut off an appendage and is bleeding profusely on the carpet!"  Same decibel.  So like any responsible parent, I leave the door open.  And usually 2.3 seconds after settling in to my bath a kid comes in to tattle, is sidetracked by the awesomeness of bubbles and steam, and promptly helps themselves to my tub.  And while I am confident in the absence of my filth, I am equally suspicious of the presence of theirs.  So my bath is over before it is begun.  I have tried unsuccessfully for years to break this habit of theirs, but it seems to be impossible.  They are hardwired to cause me angst.  They can not not disturb the peace.

But back to Saturday...after several sleepless nights due to the aforementioned "coughing problem" I decided I needed a bath.  The kids had just returned from a birthday party and were happily devouring the goodies from their bag so I saw that as my best opportunity.  Just minutes after I had gotten in Kyanna came wandering into my room with a handful of plastic dinosaurs she had received at the party.  She set them down two feet away from me on the step stool she uses to wash her hands and began to play.  "She doesn't realize I am here!!!" I thought, and I focused on not breathing for as long as possible.

This is the conversation her dinosaurs started having with each other:

Purple Dino:  "Mom and Dad, I'm really thirsty can I have some of your drink?"
Yellow, and Orange Dinos: "Sorry baby, this is a grown up drink." (at our house "grown up drink" refers to anything with caffeine...heaven forbid they stay up any later at night than necessary!)
Purple: "But Mom, I really really want some!"
Y and O:  "We said No.  You will have to have some water."
Purple: "Please Please, Pretty Please!"
Y and O: "NO!  Now don't ask again or you will go in time out!  Do you like time out?"
Purple: "Can I have your drink Mom, can I have your drink Mom, can I have your drink Mom, can I have your drink Mom?"  (this is a technique my kids have mastered because it often results in two scenarios... A. Mom gives in    or B.  Mom ends up in the corner banging her head against the wall, giving the pest ample time to help themselves to whatever they wanted)
Y and O: "YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! We said NO!  You will have to drink water to make your body healthy!"
Purple: "Then why are you drinking it?!"

This silly conversation my three year old was having with herself gave me plenty of entertainment for a good ten to fifteen minutes.  At that point, I made the giant mistake of coughing.  She immediately turned to me with a pleasantly surprised look on her face and yelled "WHAT THE HECK?!!!! I'M GETTING IN THERE!"

Which turned out to be a good time for me to exit because within 30 minutes I was headed to instacare to confirm Kade's turn with strep throat.  But for those fifteen minutes, I was queen!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Teacher Tuesday

We've missed several "Teacher Tuesdays" since we took a family vacation to Disneyworld.  It was fun to say the least - full of flamboyant middle aged men in Mickey Gear, Single 35 year old women kissing Pooh Bear, (You think I'm kidding about this but I'm not.) and countless screaming children.  At any time, you could probably spot at least 10 meltdowns occurring.  Isn't Disney supposed to be the "happiest place on earth"?  Good thing we had a blast anyways!!!  It was a fabulous vacation, one that I probably won't get to repeat anytime soon - so thanks mom and dad!

While teaching 1st grade, I had tons of students that would go on trips to Disneyland.  I even had one student that had been 17 times in her short 7 years!  I got to hear about many Disneyland trips, and read about many in student journals.

One day, I was preparing grades for conferences and wanted to look at writing samples from the students.  I pulled out all their journals and began reading.  To any other person, their writing would be completely illegible, but a first grade teacher becomes expert at reading and making sense of complete gibberish.  As little ones are learning to write, they record their words in the same manner that they say them.  Everything is sounded out with no attention to spelling rules.  Love becomes "luv", because becomes "becuz", sing becomes "seg".  You get the idea, right?  (I even once had a we become "wii" - I think that student was counting video game playing as reading time...)

Spelling becomes even more difficult to students with speech impediments.  Just like everyone else, they record their words exactly as they hear themselves say it.  This became very apparent to me as I was reading through student journals.  I came to one that said, "We went to Disneyland.  It was wile wile fun."  I stared at that page forever trying to figure out if the student meant "while" or "Willy" until it hit me.  This particular student always substituted the /r/ sound for the /w/ sound - a very common mistake.  Apparently, he had really really fun at Disneyland!  I thought it was so cute, I copied the page and sent it home to his mom.

So - just like little Billy, I had "wile wile" fun at Disneyworld and can't wait to go back someday!!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My mom bought Dax a light up sword at Epcot.  After telling him several times to stop swinging it into the crowds, he finally told us "I'm not going to hit anyone.  I have years of experience with light sabers."

Disney World was amazing!!! Will post details as soon as I make it through piles of laundry!

Friday, December 30, 2011

The happiest place on Earth!

We are preparing for an upcoming trip to Disney World, and besides the fun that I'm sure we are going to have while we are there, I am already enjoying the conversations the kids are having in anticipation.  Wherever we go they cannot stop spewing at people (they have a SEVERE case of diarrhea of the mouth) about which characters they will see, what they are going to ride, and from my four year old how "the BEST part is that we get to eat as much as we want at the fanciest restaurants we ever went to!" (a boy after my own heart!)  Here is a conversation we had at dinner tonight...

Dax: "How did Walt Disney get enough money to build Disney World?"
Dad:  "He made lots of money from some movies he made, and also had investors."
Mom:  "Yeah, he made movies about Mickey Mouse."
Kade:  "Well that's funny huh, because now Mickey works at Disney World!"
Darcy:  "Duh Kade, you know that Mickey Mouse isn't REAL right?  He is just a person in a costume."
Mom:  "That's perfect!  I guess that means that we won't have to spend any of our precious vacation time waiting in line to get autographs then, right Darce?"

I don't remember her exact response to that, but I'm pretty sure it amounted to "Nice try, Mom."  Guess I better start gearing up to stand in some lines!!!